Yes, you read that correctly.

Yours truly, who has been and is still currently a fan of at least two of Ms. Swift’s ex-boyfriends, has composed a love letter to the lady herself. Don’t worry – I promise I haven’t spent the entire thing fangirling at her.

Dear Taylor,

Let me get my disclaimer out of the way first. I didn’t like you very much in years past. Sorry about that. It’s a bit awkward to admit that now, especially when I look at the play count I’ve racked up on various tracks from your new album 1989. While this active dislike may have been presumptuous, I did have my reasons.

In 2008, there was the infamous “27-second phone call” in which one Joe Jonas broke up with you over the phone. You first mentioned it to Ellen and continued to make bitter references to it in a Youtube video you originally posted on Myspace. Don’t get me wrong – I completely empathize with you on messy breakups and getting over someone you really liked (loved?).

What I had a problem with was the fact that seemed to reject any part you may have played in the breakup. You pointed a finger at him and so strongly painted him as the villain that he went to the length of posting a blog on Myspace to address the issue. While there is no way anyone could tell who was accurately telling the story, I think his words have truth.

“Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call.”

A phone call – much like a relationship – involves two people, both of whom must play active parts. While Joe may very well have been the “one to blame” for your breakup, it made me uncomfortable to see you faulting him so heavily while you seemed to play the unsuspecting victim who wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place.

Over the holiday season from 2012 to 2013, you made at least one massively bitter, public reference to your latest ex, Harry Styles. Again, I get the post breakup bitterness, and I do my fair share of getting mad at my ex’s after my own breakups, but that’s always done in private. It just seems immature to make a dig at an ex to at least 28 million viewers while performing at the Grammy’s, especially when he’s had nothing but nice words and compliments since the breakup. You may have been rightfully upset about this, Taylor, but it looked pretty bad on your part.

So there you have it. There are the reasons why I had beef with you, and I hope you understand and forgive me for having these uncharitable opinions in the past. Now that we’re done with our unfortunate history, let’s move onto the point of this letter in which I may or may not profess my love for you.

Since the release of your album in October 2014, more and more quotes and gif sets of your interviews have found their way onto my Tumblr dashboard. And just from these snippets, I’ve found myself being slowly won over. You have, in the past two years, become a person I truly admire.

You’re independent – you live on your own in New York and you make a point of doing things for yourself, rather than a significant other. You’re strong – you stand up for yourself and your current album work when people criticize you for over-sharing your personal experiences. You’re happy – you’ve found a group of friends whom you love and trust. You’re sexy, but classy – you wear lingerie while performing at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, but support other female artists’ images though they may be far more revealing than yours. You’re caring – you engage with, befriend, and keep up so many of your fans personally on social media. You’re compassionate – you reach out to those around you (Distance doesn’t seem to be an issue for you here.) and show them that they’re loved.

It’s true – I don’t know you personally, and we may end up absolutely loathing each other in real life, but I’m willing to take that risk for you.

You are obviously more than the list of adjectives I’ve included above. However, even with just those personality traits (on top of being a visibly growing and maturing songwriter), you have presented yourself as the sort of woman I would like to become. Thank you for being that model for me, and I’m sure for many others around the world as well.

I may not have liked you much when you were 18 or 22, but to be honest – I’m probably not going to like my 18 or 22-year-old self when I’m 25. I’d like to put the past aside. I really like you, Taylor, and I would love to see you more in the future.

Very truly yours,

Courtney